I moved to Cary. So far, so good. It sure is quite the little drive after going from just down the street to get to church. It’s well worth it, though.
I am living with a family here, and doing “nanny” type work for them. I basically watch their daughter while they do their stuff. Today we sang songs and danced a bit and played.
I have been trying to figure things out lately. Things have gotten so “extreme” I can’t believe it’s all happening. Extreme is the only real word I can come up with. It’s not that things are bad, they’re really quite neutral, it’s just that the average in scoring how ‘things’ are gets thrown way off with so many tragedies. But all of the beauty drowns that out. I don’t think I could have made it through all of this anywhere but here.
It’s like… Things are going well, or so they seem, then something happens that makes things get all merky, then they sort of level off, then tragedy hits, and it’s so heart breaking that my brain cannot process it. I have never felt such loss, but I have this peace. It’s exactly as Paul said, “a peace that surpasses all understanding.”
My head says “gaaaaah!” But my heart says ❤
I’ve been listening to a lot of praise music lately, I can’t get enough. I ‘found’ this guy online, and he sings this song that I can’t stop playing. I say ‘found’ like he’s new, but I went to school with him, like … all of it. I’m glad to see that not everyone from that town was fully corrupted. ha. Anyways, this song is called “Simple Praise.”
I was going to put up a bit of the song, but here’s the whole thing.
to praise You with my voice
it’s so much easier
to praise You in this noise
are You king?
and are You satisfied my God
as i sing?
not just here but when i leave.
and Lord You desire to simple praise
of obedience to Your ways.
it’s so much easier
to praise You under these lights
as my emotions dance
sending a chill down my spine
but in the darkest of my nights
are You my God?
and are You honored in my life
in every thought?”
When do I stop caring for these people? We called ourselves “family” so why are they all so alone? How is it that there are so many people in place that all feel like suicide is the way out? How is it that I let myself get to that place? What are the words that make them stop? It doesn’t seem to matter how many times I say “I love you.” I can’t even speak those word anymore. It seems like the more I say that to a person, the more they want to kill themselves. Too bad that’s not a joke.