So.  I think that maybe I am done with my pitty party.  I kept saying to myself that all of these things were happening because of what I had done in the past.  Some in the present.  Well tonight during prayer I noticed that I was always just relying on God to move.  For God to make the big step in turning things around.  But I wasn’t ready for it.  I was still living in the hurt and hang-ups of my past.
I’m done with that.
I’m ready.
We had just finished an amazing worship and I was on my knees and realized that I was still holding on to things that I don’t need.  God knows what I need, it’s not like He forgets, or doesn’t realize it.  It’s that we’re expecting it to come on our terms and in our timing.  We’re expecting it to come in our 3D way of thinking, when it has been coming in the 4D for days, weeks, months or even years.  God has not forgotten us.  He promised that He would never leave us.
So I was thanking God for all that He was doing.  I was seeing things roll in the 4D that I had forgotten that I had prayed about months ago.  I hadn’t really forgotten, I had momentarily lost the faith for it.
I was on my knees singing “at the cross I bow my knee, where Your blood was shed for me, there’s no greater love than this…”  And I saw it.  It was a flash of seeing Him being beaten and hanging there, looking like He had been turned inside-out.  I never lost eye-contact with Him.  He was saying that it was all for me.  He overcame the grave for me, so that I don’t have to be in pain here on earth, so I don’t have to have lack or poverty, so that I don’t have to be alone.
God saw me in the beginning.  He saw my face when He created the earth.  He put all of these beautiful things here on earth for me to look at.
If you’ve ever been scuba diving, you’ll know what I’m talking about.  I’ve never been, but I heard a guy once say that it was one of the most spectacular things he has ever seen.  They were deep in the ocean and had huge lights so they could see the ocean floor.  They saw fish under there that were so brilliantly colored, like an underwater rainbow.  Those fish had probably never been seen by human eyes, and they lived in the darkness of the sea, but God made them beautiful because He knew that at that very moment, they would be seen for a short time.
He made us beautiful too, even though we will only be here for a short time.  This world is not our home.  This world has nothing that we need.  We are from a Holy Kingdom.  We are God’s holy people.
We live for the next dollar, or fame, or love…  God owns the cattle on a thousand hills, He is the Alpha and Omega.  He created the earth.  He gave His only Son so that we would not have to die, but so we could live forever in His Kingdom.
When it comes time to return home, we will finally be able to see what God sees in us, the beauty and the mystery.
We are given so many things here on earth that we take advantage of, but the one thing that the enemy cannot take from us is our Joy.  He may snatch up our happiness, but he cannot take our joy.  Happiness fades away, but joy will still be there, even when your whole world crashes around you.  No matter what the enemy has done to try to defeat us, we must remind him of his future.  He has been defeated.  And soon, we will be going home.

I was sitting in my chair, listening to the roar of the sanctuary all sing together and I felt a freedom deep within that I hadn’t felt in a long time.  I kept feeling the grace and mercy of God pouring over me.  There was such a power in that place, and there was a thickness of healing and restoration in the air.  The Holy Spirit was moving, but He was requiring one thing, self abandonment, so I gave it.

I don’t belong here, and soon I will be going home.  It might be tomorrow, next month, or 50 years, but I’ll be home, I’ll be whole, and I’ll be at the foot of my Savior and Creator.


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