I will not surrender.

Sunday evening at prayer, Keven Wilberding said some amazing things.  I knew what he was talking about, but his perspective on it was awesome.  It went from logos to rhema.  He said that when we accept Christ, we are wiped clean.  Or pasts are wiped clean.  His example was trying to go back to something in the past, but it wasn’t there anymore.
So then I was thinking…  If it’s all wiped clean, what if that means that all of my past relationships are really gone?  I know that none of my friends from the past are really there anymore.  Those relationships are gone.  But what about my family?  If they are poison to me and I know it, are they wiped clean?
It seems harsh, I know.  But none of them asked me to stay.

None of them asked me to go, either.  Nobody visited.  Nobody called.

Was the relationship wiped clean when I accepted Christ?  Was I just trying to look for something that wasn’t there by going back?
I know my original reason for going, I was running away from a problem.  It’s easier than facing them, right?  Well I made it worse.  And them messed it up more by coming back.


I will not be defeated by this.  I cannot be defeated.  The battle was already won.
I know my future and it surely doesn’t include defeat.

I may not always feel like a conquerer, but I am.  Already.

Therefore it’s 5:22 a.m. so I will retire to bed.

I wish I had some.


3 thoughts on “I will not surrender.

  1. Hi Kelsie – You really got me to thinking. Jesus washed away the sins of our past – we are forgiven (slate’s clean)and then we forgive (others as well as ourselves). The hardest part is to forgive regardless, to wipe that slate clean. Now that doesn’t mean I have to trust them or talk to them ever again. I just have to allow God to help me let go of the hurt in my heart. So it seems to me that the relationship is what it is today or what it was yesterday, but any sin commited towards me (or by me ).. that needs to be (or is) wiped clean. Then when I look back or even try to go back (if that is God’s will) then the hurt, anger, bitterness is not there anymore.

    That takes time but like u mentioned the race is already won anyway.

    I didn’t mean to write a book on your blog..Just my two cents.. SS

  2. i know this will make you uncomfortable, but that seems to be my spiritual gift. I am soooooo proud of you. i was just reading all your my space posts and this one and realized one of the many things that make you so great. You seem to be brutally honest with yourself when others make excuses and blame others for what they don’t like about themselves.
    You have grown so much and i am so proud of you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s