Thursday, September 21, 2006
I had a meeting today with my Pastor. It went pretty well. Since I have moved here I have felt very ‘not right.’ I know that I am destined for greatness, but I just haven’t been feeling like that lately.
I went from a place in my life where I could do anything I felt like doing and then jumped straight in to a very structured situation.
As an intern I learned so many things and got this support that I had never had before… from strangers… I grew in ways that I never thought possible. But now that I am in Iowa I am so far from any type of structure, and I don’t always feel the support that I know is here. I feel a bit lost at times, but I know in my knower that this is where I need to be.
So this meeting. I went in there wanting to just have someone to tell that I’m lonely, but I didn’t have a chance to say that. Pastor Bobby told me for me. It’s really strange how this person that I have only known for a few months could see into my heart. I really feel like this church is where I need to be, but he told me that he would rather have me go to another church and get fed what I need rather than go to this church and just chill where I am in my faith level.
He brought up something really amazing. And I know that it was God speaking it. He said that there is a project underway at the church that will house women and their children that are escaping abusive relationships.
He doesn’t know about my past a whole lot, or what happened in my life to make me decide to ask Jesus into my heart. But God does. And for PBobby to ask me to be a part of this is totally a God thing. When I was trying to get things together to get a job here, I was trying to get a position in a place very similar.
I know that I was brought to Iowa to do great things. But everytime I think that I’m on track something gets thrown in the way. And when I try to take control of the situation in the flesh, I totally screw it up. So then I give it all back to God and things start rolling smoothly again.
It’s really hard to know that you are destined for something huge and have to start with such small things. I keep wanting to take these ‘short cuts’ and get way off track, and then I’m all… “where are you God?” And He’s right back where I fell off track. So I have to go back and try it again.
Well. Yeah. I don’t really know what to say, but I think that I just need some prayer. This junk is hard and crap keeps getting messed up. But I’m not going to give up. It would be really easy to go back to North Carolina and just hop back into the stuff I was doing. I would really enjoy that, and I know that I would grow a lot, but I would know that I am missing something great here. I would be missing changing lives here.
I have learned through all of this that it doesn’t really matter where you are, God can do great things through you if you are willing to let Him. It may not be easy, it may suck a whole lot, but dag… it’s more than worth it in the end.
I may not see the whole big picture of my whole future, but I have to trust God that He won’t lead me the wrong way. And as soon as I can put myself aside and rely only on God’s provision, stuff will start rollin.
So… basically… I just have to believe that I have such a huge calling on my life that these things that I think are so little and insignificant are a piece of the huge puzzle of my future and without each piece, the picture will never come into focus.