Ever Stays Red

I’m listening to them right now.  You should too.
So before I get down to the ‘serious’ stuff I just wanted to share a little message I got on a website that I belong to.  It’s funny.

Very nice photoes. I like you tatooes & you piercing.
You are my ideal of modern girl. You are attagirl!!!
Let’s be a friends

attagirl!!!  Right.  So.  I’m pretty sure that I figured out why I had to be such a jerk on the trip.  I was driving to work today and as I was going through the woods it hit me.  So that’s that.  I’m not saying that so I can share with you what it was, it’s just to let you know that I know.  Or whatever.

Last night I was having a bit of praise and worship in my room and I was asking God the same question that I have asked over and over.  His answer pretty much hurt me.  I don’t want anyone to feel saddened by this, but I need to share it.  I’ve been asking God to send me a best friend.  Someone I could share my heart with and be completely honest with.  Someone I could tell all of my hurts and not be judged by them.  And also someone I could be that person for.  It seems like a simple request, but it’s not.  There are so many things that are inside of me that I have been trying to get out for years, but I’ve never been able to do it.  I’m scared that I’ll be judged, or committed.  Either way, I’m just not willing to open that far up to just anyone.
So anywho…  I was telling God just how mad I was that He had not sent anyone to me.  I was being all emotional and ‘angered.’  What was his reply?

“I’m right here!”

Ouch.  So I wasn’t really thinking that He could be ‘that’ best friend.  But in all the scriptures where it says to cast all your cares on him, he really meant that.  It wasn’t just to fill the pages.  He actually meant that.  You’re probably thinking ‘duh’ but it really hadn’t become rhema word for me just yet.  I’ve known that in the ‘personal relationship with Christ’ thing that you should really have one.  He should be your best friend.  But I guess in asking for a best friend, I never asked for someone I could actually physically touch and see in front of my face.  I’ll have to be more specific with my prayers.
Even though God knows my heart and actually listens, He gave me just what I needed and not what I thought I asked for.  I’m pretty sure that if I had had a human being as a friend that I would have lost them with how horrible I have been lately.  I’m really good at that.  Ruining relationships.  Yep.

So on another note.  I was just looking at the pictures Scott took on the trip.  I was trying to find a good one of me.  Couldn’t.  There are two of me in the park about to play, but they’re not great.  So I’ll save you from having to see that.

I did, however, find a great group shot that some stranger took for us while we were in La Paz Gardens.  And since I’m pretty much done with this, I’ll end with that.

Carlos and Risa – our host family

Patrick, Gabbi, Me, Chrystal, Lucia, Nicole

Jose Jr. and Maritza – Pastor Jose Sr. Son…  Pastors of church in Heredia

Before our daily Praise and Worship

Sebrina and I practicing for street performance

La Paz Waterfall Garden

Some tree…


3 thoughts on “Ever Stays Red

  1. i’ve had the same conversation with God … and gotten the same answer. but it never makes that answer easy. i remember praying (and still pray) for that physical flesh-n-blood best girl friend. its a hard thing when you don’t have one of those, or don’t FEEL like you do. always feeling like you can only open up so much for people. i know in my case its because i dont know what they’ll think of me if they actually knew what was in my head and i feel like i’m constantly trying to best represent my pastor husband and the whole ministry!! i think its silly that so many of us feel like this, cause i assure you we are not alone in this frustration. we should start a girls-only club and all be bff’s for life 🙂 (did i ever tell you that i cried for like 2 days when you moved to iowa?)

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