So here’s my heart…

I guess it’s time for another ‘one of those’ posts.  Something has really been tugging on my heart lately.

I am the leader of the 2nd service New Believer team.  It’s awesome.  I love seeing people give their lives to Christ, and I just all around enjoy the whole experience.


Because I got that sort of treatment and it kept me coming back.  It was the card I got from 24/7 and the phone calls that got me excited about going back.  It was the relationships that I built with people there.  And the really great part about it is that I was SO different than everyone there.  One person told me that one night when she was giving me a ride home she thought I was going to kill her.  It’s funny now…  Really funny.

So yesterday…  a couple came up after service.  I saw the man raise his hand.  I’ve seen him here before.  I’ve seen his wife here before.  They’ve come in for handouts.  They received invitations to a new life.  He accepted.  Her reply?  “I’m good.”

“I’m good.”

What scares the crap out of me is that I used to be her.  I used to do exactly what she is doing.  I’d get all strung out and go to a church and beg for handouts so that maybe I could get just one more hit.  One more hour of being so high it didn’t matter how hurt I was inside because I couldn’t feel it.

I want her to see that her time is almost up if she keeps living how she is living.  Barely surving day to day is not what life is supposed to be about.

Where can she go?  She chose this church out of all of the many in the area.  She keeps coming back.  But when the handouts are cut off will she keep coming back?

It makes me want to scream in her face.  But I can’t/won’t do that.


She’ll get it.

I just hope it’s not too late.


2 thoughts on “So here’s my heart…

  1. … i still think you may kill me. haha. but on a more “for real” note, i’m really glad we have someone leading the New Believers team that has such an amazing passion for it. you have been through so much, done so many things, lived through so many experiences, that you really can relate to so many people. i’m glad our new brothers & sisters are in good hands!

  2. This really touched me, what an amazing story. I have not had as hard of a life from what i read here as you have, but it still hurts me to see people you KNOW are hurting and need God, turn away and think they have everything under control. What church do you attend?
    THank you for your comment on my blog…i was wondering how you found mine?
    I’ve been trying to get my blog out there and get some readers…not that my life is to interesting, but i love writing and having people read it.
    Hope you will continue to read, i know i will be adding you to my daily list.
    God Bless

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