It has been a LONG time since I posted anything. So I thought I would share some stuff with you.
We, at LWFC are currently ending one of the greatest series we have been taught. Building a Failure proof Life. It has been so amazing. So basic. So simple. So hard to hear.
I have really been struggling lately with a lot of random stuff. In the big scheme of things, my life is going GREAT!!! But there are little devastations that keep hitting. The past two years have been a roller coaster of … life. I have been overcoming some things that I never thought would happen to me. But my joy… I have maintained. I came up with a little “life slogan,”
– When life starts pouring, and the storm is raging… dance in the REIGN.
My God is a big God. There is nothing that has happened that he didn’t already see coming. Some of the things were painful, but it was like ripping a band-aid off a wound that just needed some air to heal. Some stuff … more like putting a lit M-80 in your mouth and hoping for the best.
It seems a little melodramatic for me to be saying these things.
Let me get to the point of this. This past week was on kindness… forgiveness, etc. Two (of many) things that I need to work on. I think I’m about to say some hurtful things, and I don’t mean them to be hurtful, but I really need to say it.
When I watched my best friend slipping away from the church and eventually leaving… It tore me to pieces.
I kept thinking… What did I do? What do I do? …
Not being one who openly shares emotions and feelings and all that junk, I didn’t know how to react. So I did what I knew how to do… run. I’ve become really great at that. “When life hands you lemons, drop them and run.” So I left everyone. I was scared that they, too would hurt me… and low and behold, the few that I kept around, did. Which only added to the hurt.
At one point, I found myself in a place where the only thing keeping me here was a “job.” Because that too, had become just a “job”… I forgot why I was really here.
To equip the saints for the work of the ministry.
So, hopping on another rabbit trail… Last week Pastor Steve taught about WORSHIP and PRAYER. It really cleared some things up for me. Not that it was confusing, but just not clear… I guess.
He said that our worship should just be worship. No sobbing and begging for God to move… but WORSHIP. Then our prayers can be prayers and GOD WILL MOVE.
Not that it was a deep revelation, but it was… So I tried it.
I was worshiping… me and Geraldine on the living room floor. And I realized that in all the times that I had been “worshiping,” I was trying to disguise it as a prayer. So when I just sat there and played… I played. I didn’t always remember the chords, and I couldn’t recall the bridge… but the music in that place was heard in the most heavenliest of places. That sounds really delightful and religious, but the point is… It doesn’t matter if we’re playing the music on the page… if we allow ourselves to be the page and HIS are the words, than it’s the music of our hearts that bring the highest praise.
Apparently, this went on for 3 hours.
I then began to pray. I started by repenting and asking for guidance in my prayers and life and then it started.
I saw a line of faces, places, pictures scrolling above me as I prayed for each individual thing as it was going. I was trying to pull things back as they were floating by so I could pray for them and God told me to “stop trying to make better what I made perfect.”
When you’re praying in the Holy Spirit, you’re praying the perfect will of God.
Who am I to try and make it “better?”
I sat on my knees and prayed and it was such a freeing night. I finally had a decent night’s sleep and actually woke up refreshed… which hasn’t happened in a few months.
So that brings me to the “less spiritual” part of this post… Sad, I know… I know you’re only here because I’m so super spiritual and whatnot.
If you didn’t know already, I play most Saturdays at Oh’Mulligans in Wake Forest. This Saturday I will be once again, be playing there! But I may be showing up late since we are having our annual Living Word Family Fest. It will be fun. It will also be the day that I get to CELEBRATE 7 years of being drug free. Exciting, I know…
So you should first of all, come out to LWFC for Family Fest, then head over to Oh’Mulligans (which is just down the street.) and watch me play some songs. I have been using the last couple of years to my advantage and have written a plethora of new songs. A slew, even. So come hear them.
I’m sorry this isn’t ending on some deep, meaningful, super spiritual revelation that you should ponder until the 2nd coming, but it’s still awesome.