When you feel like all is lost…


I should be leaving for work right now.  I can’t stop crying.  I don’t want to adult today.  I don’t want to adult tomorrow and the next day isn’t looking so great either.

I woke up early after staying up late and my uncle Dale passed away.  No, we weren’t close.  There are too many honesties involved in the why nots.  So now there is only my aunt Ruby left in the McDonald generation.  It’s crushing me.

If you didn’t already know, I’ve never been close to anyone in my family.  Unless you count writing letters while they’re in prison.  That was the closest I ever got.  That’s not how it always was.  We used to visit, hug and miss one another.  Honestly, it’s my fault and it’s not my fault.  All I know is I could have done better.

I remember, after my grampa Dean died I would go visit uncle Dale and it would destroy me.  I was so close to my grampa Dean.  When my parents got divorced, we lived with my grandparents and he was incredible.  So gentle and encouraging.  He was patient and let me speak.  We would go for ice cream after dance class and I would say silly things like… This is your place grampa? (We were are McDonald’s)  He would laugh and I miss that so much.  Going to visit uncle Dale, I would hear that laugh and they looked so much alike… I couldn’t go anymore.

I’m horrible at keeping in touch with people.

Then they’re gone and it’s too late.

 

 

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