I found this post chilling in here from 2019.
Enjoy.
-Kelsie
There’s something missing between here and now. It’s hard to explain
A disconnect between the right and the left
A hole in the middle where my heart should be
Used to be… but now I’m broken.
Yet the same.
Or maybe it’s a fix. Like a filling in the cavity you’ve had for years. Or maybe you’ve just rubbed it so much it’s smooth now.
There’s something different and I can’t put my finger on it.
But it’s a smooth spot now…
I’ve been thinking of starting a podcast for the past couple years. I just don’t know what I would talk about.
I keep hearing how funny, how hilarious it would be because, you know, I’m only good for laughs.
I don’t know.
I guess I could give it a go and once people stop laughing at me they’ll realize that I’m just a regular person.
Here’s the intro…
Once upon a time there was a girl. She didn’t fit in anywhere she went. She tried all of the things, wore something else, said different things… but couldn’t find her place. She played along. Sang the songs, clapped her hands. Lost herself… Destroyed herself. She fell down again but this time felt like staying down. No, not giving up. Just staying down. So she did. She focused on herself and what she deeply desired. She changed her career. She changed her wardrobe. She stopped pretending. Nobody from her old life recognized her. She didn’t care.
You’ve changed!
No, she said, I’ve become. She thought nobody would ever understand her. That she would always be alone. Maybe I’m wrong, she thought. Maybe being that other girl was the answer.
Kelsie J. 