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It has been a LONG time since I posted anything. So I thought I would share some stuff with you.
We, at LWFC are currently ending one of the greatest series we have been taught. Building a Failure proof Life. It has been so amazing. So basic. So simple. So hard to hear.

I have really been struggling lately with a lot of random stuff. In the big scheme of things, my life is going GREAT!!! But there are little devastations that keep hitting. The past two years have been a roller coaster of … life. I have been overcoming some things that I never thought would happen to me. But my joy… I have maintained. I came up with a little “life slogan,”

- When life starts pouring, and the storm is raging… dance in the REIGN.

My God is a big God. There is nothing that has happened that he didn’t already see coming. Some of the things were painful, but it was like ripping a band-aid off a wound that just needed some air to heal. Some stuff … more like putting a lit M-80 in your mouth and hoping for the best.

It seems a little melodramatic for me to be saying these things.

Anywho…

Let me get to the point of this. This past week was on kindness… forgiveness, etc. Two (of many) things that I need to work on. I think I’m about to say some hurtful things, and I don’t mean them to be hurtful, but I really need to say it.

When I watched my best friend slipping away from the church and eventually leaving… It tore me to pieces.
I kept thinking… What did I do? What do I do? …
Not being one who openly shares emotions and feelings and all that junk, I didn’t know how to react. So I did what I knew how to do… run. I’ve become really great at that. “When life hands you lemons, drop them and run.” So I left everyone. I was scared that they, too would hurt me… and low and behold, the few that I kept around, did. Which only added to the hurt.
At one point, I found myself in a place where the only thing keeping me here was a “job.” Because that too, had become just a “job”… I forgot why I was really here.

To equip the saints for the work of the ministry.

So, hopping on another rabbit trail… Last week Pastor Steve taught about WORSHIP and PRAYER. It really cleared some things up for me. Not that it was confusing, but just not clear… I guess.
Anywho…
He said that our worship should just be worship. No sobbing and begging for God to move… but WORSHIP. Then our prayers can be prayers and GOD WILL MOVE.
Not that it was a deep revelation, but it was… So I tried it.

I was worshiping… me and Geraldine on the living room floor. And I realized that in all the times that I had been “worshiping,” I was trying to disguise it as a prayer. So when I just sat there and played… I played. I didn’t always remember the chords, and I couldn’t recall the bridge… but the music in that place was heard in the most heavenliest of places. That sounds really delightful and religious, but the point is… It doesn’t matter if we’re playing the music on the page… if we allow ourselves to be the page and HIS are the words, than it’s the music of our hearts that bring the highest praise.
Apparently, this went on for 3 hours.
I then began to pray. I started by repenting and asking for guidance in my prayers and life and then it started.

I saw a line of faces, places, pictures scrolling above me as I prayed for each individual thing as it was going. I was trying to pull things back as they were floating by so I could pray for them and God told me to “stop trying to make better what I made perfect.”

Dag, yo!

When you’re praying in the Holy Spirit, you’re praying the perfect will of God.

Who am I to try and make it “better?”

I sat on my knees and prayed and it was such a freeing night. I finally had a decent night’s sleep and actually woke up refreshed… which hasn’t happened in a few months.

So that brings me to the “less spiritual” part of this post… Sad, I know… I know you’re only here because I’m so super spiritual and whatnot.

If you didn’t know already, I play most Saturdays at Oh’Mulligans in Wake Forest. This Saturday I will be once again, be playing there! But I may be showing up late since we are having our annual Living Word Family Fest. It will be fun. It will also be the day that I get to CELEBRATE 7 years of being drug free. Exciting, I know…

So you should first of all, come out to LWFC for Family Fest, then head over to Oh’Mulligans (which is just down the street.) and watch me play some songs. I have been using the last couple of years to my advantage and have written a plethora of new songs. A slew, even. So come hear them.

I’m sorry this isn’t ending on some deep, meaningful, super spiritual revelation that you should ponder until the 2nd coming, but it’s still awesome.

It has been long enough.
I should be over this.

I played tonight and nobody came… I’m getting used to that.

Stop trying to fix me.

Thanks.

By now we’ve all heard or seen the outrageous moment at the Video Music Awards with Kanye West and Taylor Swift. If you haven’t, you’re lucky.

I saw a few slandering videos on YouTube and saw many a tweet about it, so I watched the clip from the VMA’s for myself. The people were right. What he did was kinda crazy. But I don’t think it was malicious, racist or any other slandering word that has been used. I think it was a mistake.

This is the first time that I have ever given Kanye West this much thought. I felt bad for a moment when his mom died. It’s horrible. But his message to our youth… I’m not a fan. So now he has just slandered another musician, who, honestly, I never really listened to. She’s talented in the country music area, me, not so much. But whatever. It just so happens that his outburst wasn’t a tweet, wasn’t a Facebook status, it wasn’t a nasty blog directed at her, it was on a stage in front of millions of people, being recorded for generations to come.

So what does that have to do with grace?

I sure am glad that all of my stupid comments or bad ideas – judgmental ideas, aren’t televised for all the world to see. I’m glad that it’s usually just a small group of people that watch me do stupid things or say the wrong thing. I’m glad that I have God’s grace to wash that stupidity away.

Does Kanye deserve any less that what I have been given?

Honestly.

We’ve all muffed up. We’ve all been forgiven. (Already) So how is this situation any different?

I was just reading Stuff Christians Like and he wrote about this. I have been seeing his tweets about it and his status message on facebook and I really had to consider this.

Honestly… back to that…

I hadn’t really thought much about this after first seeing the videos a few days ago. But then I thought about that. How dare I, of all people, push this into the back of my mind as “the last thing I thought about Kanye West.” He deserves exactly what I got… GRACE. I don’t have to befriend him on facebook, or follow him on twitter, I don’t even have to buy/like his album. But I do have to think good thoughts about him. It wouldn’t be fair.

This man apologized. Publicly. Televised. He felt bad about what he did.

So how can I assume that my level of feeling bad is WAY lower than his ever could be, and he just wasn’t sorry enough?

I can’t.

As for grace, I’ll take some more, please. Pour it on thick. Let me swim in the ocean of grace. Because I’ve made some bad decisions, horrible mistakes. And I’ll make some more. So will Kanye.

You too.

It’s coming up soon!!! I can’t believe it. October 17 at the Halifax Mall I will be joining others in a walk for the cure. I need your help! I need you to donate toward this cause. I need you to get the word out about this.

First of all, please go to our team’s website and donate. Join the team if you want to participate in raising money. I will be joining the “Spunky Punky” team to support the Thompson family. Although the money doesn’t go straight to Keely, it goes toward finding a cure for her and others like her.

For more information, go to www.lightthenight.org. All of your questions will most likely be answered on there. If not, ask me and I’ll find the answer for you.

Together, we can find a cure.

She’s worth it.

Today marks the 8th anniversary for the September 11, 2001 attacks on our country. (Please read the whole post before yelling about the title.)

I was just reading Jennifer’s post about this same thing, and thought I’d share what I remember from that day.

I was on my way to SWCC, I had an early art class. As I was about to leave out the back door, my step-father, who was the Post Master at the time came rushing in the door telling me to come to the t.v. I was all… “whatever.” and went.

Every channel had a smoking tower, clogging up New York’s skyline. As we stood there silently, in disbelief, the newscasters went on and on about a plane hitting the first tower, I thought it was some sick joke.

And then the 2nd one hit. I remember taking a gasping breath as we both stood there, still silent, watching this all unfold.

At that time in my mother’s career, she had just left her job as a Revenue Assurance Analyst with the Post Office, which meant she went to all the post offices in her district and counted their money. This would take her to all parts of the country, to different conferences and Post Offices. It would have taken her to the World Trade Center for the week of September 10-14, 2001.

But she had a career change just days before, instead…

I can’t even describe how I feel about how many people were lost in this attack. It still seems unreal. Some days I don’t even think about it. Other days I do. Today I will. I don’t ever want to forget this event, as tragic as it was to our nation, it brought a closeness to our country. It brought so much respect for our servants.

Keeping the memory alive of the September 11th attacks will honor the lives lost, but most importantly, the lives that remained. A lot of people DID survive the attacks. A lot of people are alive to remember today and those who were lost.

So…

Happy September 11th to those we still have. To those who “shoulda/coulda/woulda” been there.

But most importantly, Happy September 11th to those who are no longer with us. To the families and friends that lost someone great. May we think of joy only on this day. Not the tragedy of life lost, but the joy that we once knew someone great, someone brave…

Where were you?

I’ve heard of a saying before: A problem without a solution is just a complaint.

Well, it seems like I have many “problems” and I don’t want to deal with the solution because it’s too much… it’s just too much; so I find myself complaining a lot.

I have had to limit the time I spend with certain people because of their effect on me. There is one person that I would love to spend more time with, but when I’m with him he always seems to find a way to tell me that I used to be a lot cooler. He says things like: What’s wrong? Why don’t you trust me? Why are you so quiet?

I can only respond: Nothing’s wrong, I just don’t have anything uplifting to say in this conversation. I don’t trust people who always think there is something wrong with me. I’m so quiet because I have no way to respond positively to what you’re talking about.

So I just walked away. It’s easier than telling him that I’ve changed. Years went by and I got older. I got wiser. I have nothing to complain about. So… maybe I’m just um. A list just came to mind.

Scared of rejection
Scared of hurting you
Scared of … a big head? (Thinking of myself higher than I ought to.)
Scared of getting hurt
Scared of being scared.

So, like I said, it’s easier just to walk away. But I know that that’s not the solution. I should be… bold, of great courage, encouraging… etc.

I know that I haven’t really been putting a lot on here lately. It’s mostly because of this. And… this post started over on my “secret blog” but then I decided to put it on my “not so secret” blog.

Anywho…

I don’t know where I’m going with this. So here’s a question:

What do I have to complain about when I serve a God that loves me so much that He makes sure that my ever need is met?

Have you seen this yet? It’s such a neat idea, but it takes more friends than I have. I guess I just like the idea of getting a whole bunch of strangers together with one common goal in mind to accomplish something useless and random.

I don’t really have much else to say than that. I was just revisiting some old links, etc, and found this one. By the way, if you’re following me on Google Latitude, you’ll notice that I never move. Yes, I am that devoted to LWFC.

Anywho…
I’m done.

Official Google Blog: Send a video message with Google Latitude

Please stop telling me what you need when I’ve been offering it all along.
Thanks.

OK. So… Ummmmm… I don’t know how to start this without being the jerk. But I guess the title really says it all.

So here goes: It’s ok if you don’t want to be my friend. I’ll be alright. But can you please stop being so fake around me like we are best friends? Please don’t fight the urge to say nothing as we pass in the crowded hall, or even if we see each other at the store.

The eye contact diversion technique you have mastered is plenty.

So, with that out of the way…

I need to apologize for being such a jerk. It wasn’t everyone else’s fault that I got my heart trampled. I have had a lot of “stuff” to deal with lately, and now that it has almost been a year… I have come to a conclusion.

I’m done with that.