One Day at a Time,Sweet Jesus


We’re studying the book of Mark and also James. They keep running together. Mark is one of my favorites because it’s a break down of the New Testament. James has my heart because it reminds me of God’s promises to us.

I’ve had a lot going on.  Not so much like ‘many things,’ but a couple big things.  Work things, life things…  and I have to say, it’s been okay.

I start training to be a trainer at work on Monday.  I’m not sure how this happened, but I guess they think I will do well at this.  I’m a teacher by nature, mostly because I’m bossy, so I think it will be a good fit.
I turned down a possible position with the Polk County Sheriff’s Office in Iowa.  They wanted me to come take a test, but the timing just didn’t feel right.  I rolled around about it.  I looked at plane tickets, all of that, but in the end I decided that I would rather stay with my current agency and learn more rather than start over in another agency.  As much as I want to be closer to my family, the past has proven that I still don’t make time for them.  Maybe I’m stuck in my solitary ways…

I’m trying really hard to say the right things in a certain situation.  Someone in my life prefers being mean to me instead of saying nothing so I’ve come up with a plan…

Pray for them.  Daily.

It seems to be working.  Also, I went to management.  That went okay.

I also started praying the Prayer of Protection over my life.  I felt bad for a second, but, hey, if you want to come against me…

So basically, I don’t have much to say.

kbye

 

This is a work in progress


So… it’s been a minute.  I’ve been far too grumpy to post anything.  I’m all… I don’t know… tired.  My guts hurt and I’m just tired of people being jerks.  Yeah, I get it, you’re mean, you have to be mean or you’ll die, but please don’t be mean to me because then I will feel obligated to be mean back to you and my mean is way meaner.

It’s like middle school.

Some days are better than others.  I guess that since I’ve been in pain for so many consecutive days, I’ve been grumpier than usual.  I mostly just want to hang out with my heat pad in bed and not be judged.  Maybe go to the doctor. Probably not.  The last doctor told me I was ‘beyond his scope of practice.’

Anywho… I’ve started a new Facebook Bible Study.  I thought it would be neat.  I’m always on Facebook so why not do something productive while I’m already there.  We’re reading The Gospel of Mark-The Jesus We’re Aching For by Lisa Harper.  We just started but it’s already smashing me directly in the face.  Like… come on… we just started, baby steps.  I like it.  It’s making me actually read the Word and whatnot.  We’re all taking turns with a couple pages to break down the giant chapters.  I just picked 2 pages randomly… what a mistake.  I should have read it first.  So now I have to, right off the bat, vomick my entire life. However, I do get to talk about my Mali and I heart her immensely.

I don’t really have a lot to talk about, even though I’ve typed all of these words.  So I’ll wrap it up with this song.

One Sweet Moment…


On losing…

It’s inevitable.  People come, people go.  Some stay longer than you’d like, some are gone way too soon.

One minute… I was changing the starter in my truck.  I called my dad to tell him all about it.  I left a message.  Later that night I got the call that he was on life support.  I flew out to Salt Lake City the next morning, I said good-bye and then he was gone.

We used to talk on the phone for a long time, usually until my battery died.  We would talk about nothing.  I just wanted to hear his voice.  As time went on, though, the conversations got shorter, I could tell he was having trouble breathing.  We would chat online.  It’s not the same, but at least I could talk to him whenever I wanted to.

I don’t have much to remember him by, just some trinkets I’ve collected over the years and a bit of his ashes.  I kept them in the box for a long time.  Seeing them reminded me that I wasn’t a very good daughter.  I should have called more, visited more, been more.  It’s too late for all of that.  I had a part of his ashes turned in to a glass orb for myself and a glass heart for my sister.

I miss his laugh, his voice…  it seems like forever, feels like a minute.  It doesn’t hurt less, just less often.  It’s not that I don’t think about him, I do, it’s that I remember ridiculous things.  The good parts.  Today I am grateful for technology, it lets me hear his voice one last time.  For one sweet moment.

fodder.jpg

 

We were born for battle, without vision, we will die.


One of my favorite songs.  Here, have a listen:

Folks, we have a new President.  I woke up and watched the inauguration today, which I haven’t seen one since High School, so it was neat.  There was a lot of praying, some speeches, and some riots.  It was great.  So I went back to bed and took a little nap before work and that’s what I’m doing right now.  Working.

This election, guys, I can’t.  On a scale of one to even, I. Just. Can. Not.  Where are the grown ups?  Why do I feel like I am one of the few with common sense?  Please, tell me, what is smashing the store windows of stores WHO SUPPORTED YOUR CAMPAIGN going to do for you?  Seriously.  I have a co-worker that gets on to me because I voted for Trump.  Not one time has she ever asked me who I voted for, she just assumed that I did, and I did.  She wants to bring up stuff about things Trump said many years ago.  Yeah, I get it, he was being a vulgar man. I’m not going to disagree.  However, he won.  This is now our life.  Get on board.

I don’t know if you were around when Obama was elected, I posted how I felt about it.  This is what I assume most people who did not want President Obama to be elected did.  We prayed for him.  He was the captain of our ship for EIGHT years.  Guys, we can’t get separated on this.  No matter who you voted for, we have a new President.  We have to continually pray for him, for his family, for the entire government.  Because, like it or not, we’re all in this ship together and if we’re going to be stuck in this boat, we may as well row in the same direction.

I could go on and on, but I am going to leave it at this.  If you’re wondering what to pray, go here.

nobody calls when they’re having a good day


In my short time as a telecommunicator, I have had a couple calls that come to mind for when someone asks me what the worst call I’ve taken is, I can’t tell them.  People think it’s neat or whatever, but they don’t realize that by listening to someone screaming in horror is like being there.  You’re physically there as they describe their worst day ever and I don’t want to share that burden with you.

Here is one of them:

He had just cut his sister from the noose and I was not getting help there fast enough.  She was gone before the call was ever made, but listening to him and his other sister do CPR was rough.  I think the hardest calls to take are the ones with a distraught family member.  You want to console them, but you also want to stay out of it, just do your job and get off the phone.  You can’t say it will be alright because, honestly, it probably won’t.

Here’s a test for you; sit there quietly for 4 minutes.  Don’t do anything, just sit there.  I’ll wait… It’s a long time, right?  Now, sit for 4 minutes listening to a brother trying to revive his baby sister.  He had set the phone down to do compressions so all I could do was listen and hope units got there.  4 minutes is forever.

If you really want me to be honest about it, yeah, I’m crushed.  I’m absolutely crushed.

After doing this job, you start to develop a callous when you’re taking a call.  You answer the phone, not knowing what is on the other line, and you go through the script.  You ask the questions and you relay the answers, you hang up and move on to the next call.  Here’s an example: I play guitar.  I’ve played guitar for many years.  Once upon a time, I had these amazing, deep callouses from playing so much.  I could play for hours and my fingers wouldn’t hurt.  (The carpal tunnel did, though.)  We hear some messed up stuff in some calls, but we can’t let it get to us.  Nobody calls because they need you to cry with them about some tragic event.  They call you because they need help.  That’s it.  Nothing more.  If you want to cry about it, cry about it at home. Yes, we are still human beings with emotions and feelings, but we have a job to do. We can’t get caught up in your baby mama drama, we can’t turn in to mush when you find your husband of 45 years unresponsive in his recliner.  That won’t help anyone.  What will help is if I can tell you how to do CPR on him until help arrives.  This is why we do it.  So that maybe, one day, your call goes well, that you get your good day.  This is the callous.  It is necessary to succeed in this field.

Nobody calls when they’re having a good day.

So, if we’re being honest, I haven’t had my worst call ever.  Every call, on some level, is a worst call.  Maybe not for me, but it is for you and I can’t take that personally.  I can’t carry it around.  Do I have bad moments?  Yes.  I absolutely do.  Have I ever had to text my mom-e and tell her all about it?  Yep.  I’ll probably do it again.

But then I’m going to put my uniform on, come to work and strap in at my console because I am 911.  I am the voice on the other end of the line.  I was created for this and I can’t wait to see what’s next.

What else?


So… things are mostly OK.  I grownup to the max and live my life.  I don’t get in trouble and I pay my bills.  I like it when the heat is working and the water pump hasn’t frozen during a winter storm, but those things happen.  I am blessed beyond all measure.  I have more than I need.

Supernatural abundance.

So what can I really be complaining about?

I guess I’m bored?  I don’t really have any friends here.  I have co-workers that I spend 13 hours a day with, but that’s pretty much it.  I mostly feel like I am only in North Carolina for my job.  The reasons I wanted to come back again quickly dissipated after returning.  I have gained more job experience and life experience than I could have ever imagined for myself.

Seriously, a little small town Iowa girl traveling the world, I planned loads for aircraft knowing that each day hundreds of lives were affected.  I didn’t take this lightly.  Now, I help save lives.  Literally.  People call 911 for some pretty crazy things, but then you get the call of a baby choking.  Shout at me all you want, but is the baby breathing?  She is?  Then keep on yelling at me.  Call me whatever names you want to … because your baby is breathing now thanks to the instructions I gave you.

So why do I feel like there is so much more that I am missing out on?  Have I become complacent?  Complacency is where hope goes to die.  I just made that up.  I think.

On a scale of 1 to even, I probably can.

I can’t wait until years pass and I look back at this moment… hopefully I’ll be blindsided by incredible.  Change is coming.  You know when change is coming because things get uncomfortable.  Breakthrough style change.  I can’t wait.

So for now, I’ll just keep on.  Press through the uuugggg and get to the aaaaahhhhhh!

I hope you’re still around for it.

Trackback


Here it is, another post.  I have been reading over my blog, I used to be pretty in to this whole”write words”thing.  Here are a few of the highlights from the past TEN years.

Without ever being broken, there would be no need to be made whole again.  Who I was shouldn’t define who I am or who I am becoming.  They are all different people.  Like the woman who poured her sins out on to Jesus’ feet.  She didn’t even know that her sins would be forgiven, but she still gave them all to her Savior.  Which leads me to the next one…

Vale La Pena – It’s Worth The Pain.”I don’t need to be reminded of every experience that shaped me or all the valleys and the mountain tops along the way.  He knew how I would fall, and, yet, He was waiting on the other side of my failure and my shattered dreams with some dreams of His own.  He never let me out of His sight.”
Over and over again I would tell you, it is worth the wait.  Giving your heart to the wrong man will crush you… but I still miss the company.

A transparent cage is still a cage. “My words of advice would have to be that you cannot microwave an authentic relationship, they take time and any romantic relationship that you attempt to pursue takes Jesus.” Usually, we want to tell our past self things that our future self learned to save heartache and troubles.  I wish my past self could have slapped my future self and told me to get my life right.

And the violent take it by force. This…  This one gets me.  I remember this all the time, the bus experience, and it crushes me.  Life is hard, man.  Things go wrong, I’m a human and I make a lot of bad decisions.  Madonna was right: We are living in a material world and I am a material girl. However, this world is not my destiny.

Wake Up, O, Sleeper!  “I am getting closer. Some days are harder than others. Some weeks…But I have a promise.I won’t be distracted. Not now. I’ve come too far.”

That’s plenty.